Although most of our life philosophies can be traced back to various Simpsons episodes (the Bartman is a yoga position, right?), there's one moment that we just can't get down with.

Because at certain DC-area establishments, you most certainly can win friends with salad. Eat these now:

Cayenne Espresso Steak Salad at Paolo's

At $18, this salad seems pricey 'til you realize what you're getting. Hint: it's way more than just lettuce. This masterpiece features grilled steak, roasted potatoes, caramelized onions, gorgonzola, haricot verts, portabella mushroom dressing and...dragon honey?! We don't really know what that is, but we know it's delicious. And if that's not excuse enough to go try this dish, there's this Scoutmob deal, too.
1303 Wisconsin Ave., NW

The Nopalitos Salad at Oyamel

Because how often do you get to eat cactus? Actually, who knew you could even eat cactus? But with vital doses of vitamins A and C, as well as calcium, magnesium, B-6, niacin, iron, folate, phosphorus and zinc, we should probably be eating it more, especially if it's dressed up with tomatoes and lime dressing and part of a $20 lunch deal that includes and entree and dessert. Although, be warned: this veggie has a bit of a strange, squishy texture to the standard American palate.
401 7th St., NW

Wild Rice Salad with Fry Bread at Mitsitam

If you don't mind eating among the tourist hordes, Mitsitam, the cafe in the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian, is worth the lines. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT miss the fry bread. With its savory, warm and comforting taste, it goes perfectly with a side of the wild rice salad, which is under $4. Score.
Independence Ave. between 3rd and 4th St., SW

Roasted Beets, Endive, Orange & Idiazábal Salad at Estadio

While this salad won't fill your stomach (it's an $8 tapas portion), this Spanish recipe will fill your taste buds with flavor. How they balance all the ingredients so that each bite is equally as good as the last is a mystery, but instead of solving it, we'll just eat it.
1520 14th St., NW

Guacamole Greens Salad at Sweetgreen

Probably the most traditional salad on our list, this bowl of greens is spiced up with a whole bunch of fresh scooped avocado, crushed tortilla chips and your choice of chicken or shrimp. For $9.50, it's enough to keep you full 'til dinner.
Various locations

Photos courtesy of Foodspotting