There are times when we enjoy imaging ourselves as mighty warriors. Say, while marathoning “Game of Thrones.” Or during the morning commute when someone’s backpack is digging just far enough into our spines that it takes every ounce of our self-control to not go all Spartan on the train car. Since physical assault is not the answer – we’ve got a better plan. Unleash the fury over at Troy, Staten Island’s ambitious (and possibly completely insane) new restaurant.

A voyage down Hylan Boulevard will take you straight to the threshold of the borough’s ostentatious newcomer. And they’re not joking. “No gimmicks, no kidding,” says the white-suited man in the restaurant’s illustrious commercial. “Just the best of the past.” The whole thing could be considered equal parts Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament lunacy, prepubescent fervor and massive amounts of cooked meats. But Troy is more than just a trip through time. It is a “journey to the Empire of Taste” (according, yes, to the restaurant’s tagline).

For the non-history buffs — and for those who did not watch the Brad Pitt movie — ancient Troy was the main setting of the 10-year-long Trojan War between the ancient Greeks (a.k.a. the Achaeans) and the city of Troy. If you ever read “The Odyssey” in high school, you already know the tale of Homer’s long overdue return home from battle, which he recalled in the epic poem’s predecessor, “The Illiad.” In modern geography, Troy sits on the western shore of Turkey, where archeologists continue to unearth its ruins.

Back across the Atlantic, the eponymous restaurant has taken to Facebook, calling its wares a “fusion of European and Continental cuisines” crafted from the “best recipes from all over the world adapted to American style.” What does this mean exactly? We’re not sure, and neither is Troy. The menu here is a trip in itself, ranging from French moules frites and Spanish veal to Italian octopus and German pork chops. Not exactly ancient Troy (and not quite medieval either) but still an adventure to explore should we find ourselves famished or furious in Staten Island.

The one thing missing from the mix? Subtlety. The decor inside Troy is an incredibly far cry from minimalism. Decorations inside the cavernous space include a collection of bas-reliefs of Trojan battles alongside golden statues, mirrors, embellished ceilings, a flowing fountain and cavernous banquet halls — plus, a roof deck covered in astro-turf and outdoor seating. All told, the place can accommodate up to 200 people.

Will you be one of them? Journey to 2271 Hylan Boulevard with curious friends to try it for yourself:

Restaurant Hours:
Monday – Thursday, 11:45 a.m. to 11 p.m.
Friday & Saturday, 12:15 p.m. to 3 a.m.
Sunday, 12:15 p.m. to 11:45 p.m.